101 reasons why Picard is better than Kirk

[rouvio]

To counter the thread of how better Kirk is
(I cant find it, ill appreciate a link)


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101. Two Words: better voice.
100. Picard's ship's counselor traded in her miniskirt for that great low-cut neckline.
99. Kirk fought over women. Picard had women fight over him.
98. Picard fires both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time when in battle.
97. Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- better, faster, stronger.
96. Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal little maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his ship and crew in the process.
95. Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying, berated her son constantly in her presence, yet still manged to make her fall for him.
94. Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a BAR.
93. Kirk fought others himself, Picard has others do his fighting for him.
92. When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for Picard.
91. In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's.
90. Picard was never killed by his first officer.
89. Picard's family made alchoholic beverages for a living.
88. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has kept Worf for seven years.
87. No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the Monkees.
86. Two words: better actor.
85. Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.
84. Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and all of humanity while still a lowly captain.
83. Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not saying much.
82. Picard's crew members sleep with one another on a regular basis.
81. Picard's crew gambles.
80. Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.
79. Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of Lite-Brite boards.
78. Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker."
77. Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.
76. No sideburns. 'Nuff said.
75. Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to transport a former captain anywhere.
74. Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet HQ. Kirks name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races alike.
73. Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when he orders it to do so, he MEANS it.
72. Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made to attack other Starfleet vessels.
71. Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
70. Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need we say more?
69. Picard infiltrated Romulus, posed as an intergalactic mercenary, and was tortured extensively after capture by the Cardassians -- and never broke a sweat.
68. Picard has never been demoted.
67. Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.
66. Picard has never developed amnesia and thought he was an Indian.
65. Picard has never encountered aliens from wierd planets like "Zatar."
64. Picard's quarters have a window.
63. Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.
62. Picard was never involved in any hokey shootouts at the OK corral.
61. Picard is a caffiene addict. (All that Earl Grey tea.)
60. One word: Leadership.
59. Kirk is not a sex symbol. Never was, never will be.
58. If Picard had a son, he wouldn't lose a fight to a Klingon whose commander was Christopher Lloyd.
57. Speaking of losing, Picard has never lost a first officer to a man who once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas, either.
56. Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket boots to save him.
55. Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat" around a campfire.
54. When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters one, they keep on drinking.
53. Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.
52. When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth watching and caring about.
51. Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.
50. When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging about with 17th century weaponry.
49. Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.
48. If poor judgement were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.
47. Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of putting on a face which only made things worse.
46. Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle intergalactic squabbles.
45. Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.
44. It's unlikely Picard ever contracted a sexually-transmitted disease.
43. One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)
42. All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show.)
41. Picard has hair on his chest.
40. Picard can actually make being bald, middle-aged, and scrawny look sexy & macho.
39. Kirk sat alone in the middle of his bridge; Picard kept counselor Troi within easy reach and view at all times.
38. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
37. When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets in a fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.
36. Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.
35. Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.
34. Picard's ex kept his name even after the divorce; Kirk's kept it a secret even from her son.
33. Picard like solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he tried.
32. Picard has never messed up with the transporter.
31. Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto. Nor has he ever allowed shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship, either.
30. Picard has never aged prematurely.
29. Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.
28. Picard knows Gilgamesh & is able to recite it.
27. Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely screams in agony.
26. Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to have her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.
25. When Picard talks, people listen.
24. If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett. If Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.
23. NO ONE laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
22. Picard has never kissed a Romulan.
21. Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated spacecraft.
20. Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.
19. If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the common sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been allowed to review.
18. If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer space only to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly puppet, he'd be ****ed.
17. Picard would never ATTEMPT hand-to-hand combat with a gorn.
16. Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.
15. Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with the Klingons.
14. When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history to suit his own ends.
13. Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than it took Kirk.
12. Three words: Better costuiime variety.
11. Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures. Picard tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to respect him.
10. Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.
9. "Picard" has more syllables than "Kirk."
8. Can't forget those neat collar insignias.
7. Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures & has done so on a number of occassions.
6. Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy cruisers (and lived to tell about it).
5. When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.
4. Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he doesn't let it show.
3. Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's gotta be the shoes...
2. Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.
1. Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.
0. THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!!!!!!

(from spacebattles.com)

[AriochX]

See, Im a bit like Kirk..... while you were typing that I felt ike blowing a hole through your bridge with a torpedo spread.

So, Im quite sure that while Picard consulted with his ambiguously sexually oriented first officer, he would have been quite startled at the explosion in the bridge that seperated his head from his arse.

[Jonathan_Kent]

James T Kirk may have to become 'James T SERRRRRRRVED'

Picard FTW.

[dragon47]

Originally Posted by rouvio

...
38. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
...

Have to take a bit of exception to this one. In Insurrection, when Picard disobeyed the orders of Admiral Dougherty to leave the system and then convinced his senior staff to join him in rescuing the Ba'ku and foiling the Son'a's plan, that actually could constitute mutiny. Then again, it could be argued that the order was illegal, but that wasn't for Picard to decide, but a Courts-Martial.

[JonathanMax]

Kirk vs Picard is pointless. It always has been Kirk.

[Bahlsa]

69. 5 more minutes and he would a broke... and he needed counseling afterwards.

On multiple occasions he had his ship hijacked by thieves, rebels, zealots, and many others.

they ran so many diagnostics on the D cause it was built shoddy, the no bloody A B C or D ran like a top.

I remember Picard beaming to the enterprise as well as a few of his crew as children..

Then theres the De-evolving into a lemur ?

Kirk is still the better captain.

[jackokason]

88. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has kept Worf for seven years.

now that takes alot of guts to keep Mr. Wolf handy for 7 long angonizing years, including saving his ass in the battle of sector 001.

so in my opinion number 88 is ftw. despite this whole thing being somewhat of a laugh to read.

also 1. THERE ARE 4 LIGHTS!!!!! -stands up, throws up the arms in disgust and gets escorted away in nothing but a cloth to get cleaned up-

is to take the cake.

[Esham_Hatcheti]

Picrd would want a diplomtic solution, Kirk would go in guns blazin. Sisko would sick Kirk on Puicard and the clean up whatever is left over. Besides the Defiant would own any Enterprise. The Kirk vs. Picard winner is easly Sisko!!!

[Warbot7777]

Originally Posted by rouvio

To counter the thread of how better Kirk is
(I cant find it, ill appreciate a link)


-----------------------------------------------------

101. Two Words: better voice.
100. Picard's ship's counselor traded in her miniskirt for that great low-cut neckline.
99. Kirk fought over women. Picard had women fight over him.
98. Picard fires both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time when in battle.
97. Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- better, faster, stronger.
96. Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal little maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his ship and crew in the process.
95. Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying, berated her son constantly in her presence, yet still manged to make her fall for him.
94. Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a BAR.
93. Kirk fought others himself, Picard has others do his fighting for him.
92. When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for Picard.
91. In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's.
90. Picard was never killed by his first officer.
89. Picard's family made alchoholic beverages for a living.
88. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has kept Worf for seven years.
87. No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the Monkees.
86. Two words: better actor.
85. Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.
84. Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and all of humanity while still a lowly captain.
83. Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not saying much.
82. Picard's crew members sleep with one another on a regular basis.
81. Picard's crew gambles.
80. Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.
79. Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of Lite-Brite boards.
78. Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker."
77. Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.
76. No sideburns. 'Nuff said.
75. Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to transport a former captain anywhere.
74. Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet HQ. Kirks name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races alike.
73. Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when he orders it to do so, he MEANS it.
72. Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made to attack other Starfleet vessels.
71. Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
70. Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need we say more?
69. Picard infiltrated Romulus, posed as an intergalactic mercenary, and was tortured extensively after capture by the Cardassians -- and never broke a sweat.
68. Picard has never been demoted.
67. Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.
66. Picard has never developed amnesia and thought he was an Indian.
65. Picard has never encountered aliens from wierd planets like "Zatar."
64. Picard's quarters have a window.
63. Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.
62. Picard was never involved in any hokey shootouts at the OK corral.
61. Picard is a caffiene addict. (All that Earl Grey tea.)
60. One word: Leadership.
59. Kirk is not a sex symbol. Never was, never will be.
58. If Picard had a son, he wouldn't lose a fight to a Klingon whose commander was Christopher Lloyd.
57. Speaking of losing, Picard has never lost a first officer to a man who once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas, either.
56. Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket boots to save him.
55. Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat" around a campfire.
54. When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters one, they keep on drinking.
53. Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.
52. When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth watching and caring about.
51. Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.
50. When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging about with 17th century weaponry.
49. Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.
48. If poor judgement were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.
47. Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of putting on a face which only made things worse.
46. Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle intergalactic squabbles.
45. Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.
44. It's unlikely Picard ever contracted a sexually-transmitted disease.
43. One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)
42. All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show.)
41. Picard has hair on his chest.
40. Picard can actually make being bald, middle-aged, and scrawny look sexy & macho.
39. Kirk sat alone in the middle of his bridge; Picard kept counselor Troi within easy reach and view at all times.
38. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
37. When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets in a fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.
36. Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.
35. Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.
34. Picard's ex kept his name even after the divorce; Kirk's kept it a secret even from her son.
33. Picard like solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he tried.
32. Picard has never messed up with the transporter.
31. Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto. Nor has he ever allowed shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship, either.
30. Picard has never aged prematurely.
29. Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.
28. Picard knows Gilgamesh & is able to recite it.
27. Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely screams in agony.
26. Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to have her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.
25. When Picard talks, people listen.
24. If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett. If Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.
23. NO ONE laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
22. Picard has never kissed a Romulan.
21. Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated spacecraft.
20. Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.
19. If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the common sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been allowed to review.
18. If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer space only to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly puppet, he'd be ****ed.
17. Picard would never ATTEMPT hand-to-hand combat with a gorn.
16. Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.
15. Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with the Klingons.
14. When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history to suit his own ends.
13. Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than it took Kirk.
12. Three words: Better costuiime variety.
11. Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures. Picard tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to respect him.
10. Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.
9. "Picard" has more syllables than "Kirk."
8. Can't forget those neat collar insignias.
7. Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures & has done so on a number of occassions.
6. Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy cruisers (and lived to tell about it).
5. When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.
4. Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he doesn't let it show.
3. Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's gotta be the shoes...
2. Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.
1. Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.
0. THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!!!!!!

(from spacebattles.com)

Epic, Kirk has been defeated this day!

[Pantheria]

I'm not a huge fan of the original Star Trek or Kirk for that matter so I 100% approve of this post. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I love me some Captain Picard! He's so much fun to watch.